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51 Hilarious Quotes Short, Fun, and Full of Truth

Everybody needs the healthy power of humor, but we don’t always have time for it. So, I’ve put together a quick dose of 51 hilarious quotes short enough to make you smile, yet don’t take much time to read. Plus, these quotes can swiftly turn a gloomy day into a warm and sunny one.

I think you’ll love this selection of short jokes and amusing phrases, which are more than just laugh-out-loud quotes. They act as happiness boosters and feel-good humor that’s easily incorporated into the fabric of everyday life.

So, focus on the positive vibes, light-hearted fun, and quick laughs as you dive into this entertaining list. You’ve got some quick laughs waiting for you. Be ready to smile as you enjoy the fun.

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Hilarious Jokes Short and to the Point

1. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown 

2.“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” Mallory Hopkins

3. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Unknown 

4. “Doing nothing is hard; you never know when you’re done.” – Darynda Jones

5.“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.”Mark Twain 

6. “I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.” – Unknown

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7. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” – Wallace Notestein  

8. “I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

9. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

10. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

11. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

12. “I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown 

13. “I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Unknown

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14. “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” – Uknown

15. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

16. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Edgar Bergen

17. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”– Les Dawson

18. “When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.” – Tim Vine

20. “You’re only as good as your last haircut.” Fran Lebowitz

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21. “If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?”  – Unknown

22. “Housework can’t kill you. But why take the chance?” – Phyllis Diller 

23. “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you’re a mile away, and you have his shoes.” – Jack Handey

24. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen

25. “If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.” – Laurence J. Peter 

26. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry 

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27. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright

28. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then, find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.” – Ron White 

29. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

30. “The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited.” – Unknown

31. “Insanity is heredity. You get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson 

32. “I’m staying home from work today. I have mood poisoning.” – Unknown 

33. “If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.” – Unknown

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34 “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”Doug Larson

35. “People often say motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it every day.”  Zig Ziglar

36. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague. – Judith Martin

37. “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

38. “Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” – Robert C. Gallagher 

39. “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” – Stewart Francis

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40. “That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.” – Mean Girls

41. “Finally, my winter fat is gone. Now, I have Spring rolls.” Unknown

42. “If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?” – Kevin Pilcher

43. “I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I’m also deaf in one ear.” Unknown

44. “I changed my password to “incorrect,” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “Your password is incorrect.” – Unknown

45. “I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by.” – Unknown

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46. “Some days, I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.” Unknown

47. “Going back to your ex is like reheating your McDonald’s fries.”Unknown

48. “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”Unknown

49. “An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.” D.E. Haggerty

50. “Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but you know who’s always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.”Unknown

51. “Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”Unknown

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Wrapping Up Hilarious Quotes Short and Fun

Hopefully, these brilliant, hilarious quotes, short, fun, yet full of truth, have brightened your outlook today. Remember that quick laughs and amusing phrases can ripple through your day, infusing it with positive vibes.

Having journeyed through a valley of chuckles and quick laughs, you’re likely to find this laughter therapy stays with you throughout the day. These smile inducers aren’t just fleeting moments of humor but contribute to building walls of positivity around us.

Therefore, let’s not forget to spread this happiness to others. After all, humor shared is happiness multiplied. Feel free to share these short, hilarious quotes with your friends and family and speckle their day with humor, as well.

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References

today.com

parade.com

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11 Comments

  1. Wow, thanks for sharing these fun and hilarious quotes. Like number 30 the most! Thanks for sharing.

  2. A few of these made me literally laugh out loud. Love the one about your ex being the equivalent to reheating MacDonald’s. Thanks for sharing

  3. Awesome funny quotes! I particularly love this quote. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” It is true in many ways.

  4. These were great! I especially felt this one “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.” I know my limits now haha.

  5. I love these! I was having a stressful morning and many of these quotes brightened my day. Love the one about finding someone whose life gave them vodka!

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